Moving forward!

A day of pondering....

Happy Valentine's Day. Tim and I went out last Wednesday for our "date" while his brother and his brother's future wife watched the kiddos. What a blessing. Tim gave me an incredible Valentine's present. A journal....that HE writes in...to ME! Just about everyday, I can find a short note written to me in his handwriting. :) A blessing considering he will make a shopping list on his iPad instead of on a piece of scratch paper!

Thank you, Tim.

Today has been a rough day.

I was just writing the women's ministry director of our new church to ask her how to connect with a mentor and some discipleship and came face to face with my loneliness.

I have friends. But I need a mentor....a woman strong in the faith to kick my bum when self-pity and anger pop up...I need someone to sit and listen to me cry when I feel as though God isn't enough....even when I know He IS!

After tearfully writing her an introductory e-mail, I was reminded of some friends' blogs who are currently serving at Mercy in the Philippines and decided to "quickly" check in on them since I no longer facebook. Perhaps this wasn't a very good idea.

As I read about their delivering babies and ministering to the women, how Mercy just celebrated their 15th year anniversary with their 17,000th baby, how each one is struck by the compassion of a merciful God, I began to weep.

I cannot begin to describe how I am feeling....a deep sense of loss perhaps? Missing making a positive contribution to the Kingdom? I should be clear....I do not miss the Philippines....I miss some dear friends there, but even moreso, I miss serving women in need.....and now I AM THAT woman in need. I am struggling to be okay with that. "To every season...."

While I struggle with hating the last 3 years of my life, I am struck by God's mercy through those 3 years. The power of God and the miraculous were part of everyday life. And they still are, though I find Him more difficult to see. He is here.

At this time last year, I was pregnant with my precious son, Toby and had taken Promise with me on a long flight to Oregon to take my midwifery certification exam. That was a rough month. I wish the Lord would wipe away the memories of the last 3 years so that there would be no pain. However, there would also be no memory of the joys of the last 3 years....the birth of my Promise....and my Toby. Mmmm. I thank the Lord for them daily.

Just some blue thoughts on this grey day.

Affliction.

"Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts."

I read that early this morning in my devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young (though most of the writings are really Jesus speaking and Ms. Young just writes it down with Scripture to solidify it all).

I had the picture of a snake getting ready to strike, but then "recoiling" quickly after being threatened with a big, fat bat to the head. Yeah, that sounds like my response to afflictions at times! Could they be one of Jesus' "most favored gifts"? You have got to be kidding! This Jesus..full of love, mercy, grace, joy....giving us a GIFT of AFFLICTION!? What is He ON!?

I am reminded of the passage from Luke 22:

³¹ “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. ³² But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

³³ But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.”

³⁴ Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”

What is affliction? Dictionary.com says it's 1:a state of pain, distress, or grief; misery: They sympathized with us in our affliction.

2.a cause of mental or bodily pain, as sickness, loss, calamity,or persecution.

Sometimes affliction comes as a result of sin....consequences and such. Sometimes affliction comes as a result of what Luke 22 is saying....Satan asked to sift us like wheat, God gives permission and Jesus is interceding on our behalf during the process. A gift?

The gift part of it all must come when His strength and glory are shone through our weakness in that affliction....for how can their be reconciliation without division, forgiveness without sin, grace without wrongdoing, joy without sorrow, a show of strength without weakness? You get the point....the gift part is the amazing opposite of affliction that can only come after affliction. Mmm. And in affliction, Jesus is interceding for us so that instead of that affliction causing us to run from the faith or die or whatever our temptation may be in order to cope, we will be STRENGTHENED in the faith so that we can encourage and strengthen our "brothers" to endure affliction as well. In the end, we will enjoy pure freedom and joy, peace, and His Presence more fully than before....appreciate His Presence more than before.

His favor is all over affliction.

I feel conflicted and convicted in my affliction. "Lord, thank you for my current afflictions because I know that You are working within them to reveal Your glory and precious gifts in me...may they draw me closer to You."

Ugh....

Be blessed.

Dying to self.

Enjoying the cold in the West. Promise's new favorite activity....SWINGING!
Toby learning what it means to be COLD!
Our very last few moments in the Philippines with our dear friends Toti and Connie Ambulo. We miss them.

Greetings!

Today I am closing my facebook account. It seems weird to do that, but I feel as though it is one more step I am choosing to make to create a bubble of safety around myself and my family.

I have been reading several books these days on God's desire for intimacy with me. I am at risk of becoming a "spiritual nut-job" as a result and to be perfectly honest, I am happy about that.

As I struggle to find some peace and sanctuary from the painful memories and anguish of the last couple years, I am struck by 2 Corinthians 4. Read it here .

Especially verse 17: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Basically it's saying, once again, that this life is merely a blip on the radar....we are a blink of an eye....a vapor....a moment compared to eternity. To the sovereign God, our life span is just a snap of the fingers....To the God who created the entire universe with a spoken word, my life here on earth is a glance....my troubles, momentary.

While I am precious and of great value to my Maker, who gave His very own Son, Jesus, to reunite me with Himself, my life here on earth is simply the "rehearsal" for my life in eternity. With this thought in mind, my daily struggles with anguish, pain, and hurt are, too, a blink of an eye. When I feel as though I "don't deserve this" or the pain feels as though it will never end or if I feel as though I "need" to end it all, I am challenged to see it through this perspective: "Can I suffer for a moment in time? Can I feel pain and anguish for a blink of an eye? Can I be obedient to God for a vapor if it means spending an eternity in glory with my Maker?"

Abso-flogging-lutely!

I love the song "Brought to Tears" by Jeremy Riddle.

The chorus goes like this:

"When I think of all You've done for me:

Taking Your majesty and wearing humanity.

Giving Your life for me, changing my destiny.

I am brought to tears."

I, too, am brought to tears when I think that for thousands of years, humanity has been sinning, living for "himself", selfishly hurting those around "him", but most of all, grieving God and yet, Jesus underwent the greatest suffering, enduring every awful deed of every created being for all of history just so every generation, every person's "blink-of-an-eye-life" can have the opportunity of spending an ETERNITY with Him in His beauty and glory. What grace! I can endure injustice, suffering and emotional turmoil for this moment knowing that Jesus paid for it all and my eternal destiny is secure. Mmmm. 2 Corinthians 4 gives me license to be a spiritual nut-job, too...for I am living for what is unseen....ha ha ha! Tell THAT to your therapist and see what they say! CUCKOO! Love it.

That's what I am grappling with these days as I process my hiccup of a life. Be all glory to Jesus. Amen.

Be blessed.

Entering a new season. Leaving an extended winter.

I am always astounded by the desolation of the winter months here in Canada. While in the Philippines, there was very little to differentiate winter months from summer months except for the Christmas carols being played in groceries stores in the "ber" or Brrr months, here in Canada, the shocking reality of winter is clear.

The past 4 months have been the most difficult months of our lives....an extended winter....one full of the bitter, bone-chilling cold emotionally, relationally, maritally, and spiritually. As so many of you know, Tim and I have been going through our greatest hell in the past 2 years and we are now beginning to see the hope of spring.

Without going into detail, Tim and I have made a very drastic life-change in order to seek the Lord more fervently with every piece of our being. We are now entering a season of rejuvenation, healing, and restructuring. We have cut out most forms of media (TV, movies, news and the like), are seeing a counselor bi-weekly, and have found a home church where we will be getting fed, keep accountable and get discipled.

We still know without a doubt that we are called overseas once again to serve the poor....but not in the very broken state that we are in. We seek to be whole and wholly devoted to each other and the Lord before entering into full-time service once again.

So that leads me to where we are currently.

We finally are moving into our "own" home the end of February. We will be moving into a basement suite below Tim's parents in Abbotsford where Tim's family is located and where we have found a church. Tim is working partially with Impact Nations being their "water guy" while fundraising for the Philippines. He is also a sort of tech guy for another company called WOW Ventures. Feel free to google them! They're great.

I have the privilege of staying home with the kids and packing boxes for my in-laws' so that we all can move to Abbotsford together. :) (they are in India until 2 days before we move!)

I am looking forward to having a place of sanctuary to begin to raise Toby and Promise in a more stable environment.

As some of you know, I am leaving facebook and would like to keep tabs on people more personally via e-mail. Feel free to e-mail! (bagpipegoo@yahoo.ca)

I will try to update this blog more regularly now that life is looking a little more manageable. I will also try to be a bit more transparent regarding our life's journey in the future.

Thank you for reading and praying for us. God is faithful and I am so grateful for His unfailing love, acceptance, mercy and grace.

Be blessed.

Clinging to the cross....

Greetings. Sorry for the long delay in posts. Our family has hit a very rough spot and we are currently unable to blog. Unfortunately, it will be a very long time until our next blog, so I will try to sum up the next couple of months for us.

We leave the Philippines November 11th and head back to Vancouver. We will be staying with family until either Tim's parents' house sells and we can move into a larger home with them, or God provides us with a place of our own. The last 3 years have proved to be the hardest in our lives, but they have also been the greatest testimony of God's mercy over us.

We are currently trying to put our Filipino lives together to immerse ourselves into being Canadians again. We could really use your prayers right now.

Among the stressors are just the sheer thought of moving across an ocean, living with family in a small space until we find a place to live, having to ship our belongings home, culture shock for the kids, buying winter clothes and other necessities on a Filipino budget, and some other very difficult circumstances. Please pray for our protection as a family, as we have been hit with some serious spiritual attack. Please pray for God's gracious provision and for peace.

Thank you all for reading these last 3 years and for your prayers, financial support, and encouragement. We are so very grateful and look forward to connecting with many of you in the near future.

Be blessed.

Teething, Tantrums, and Two

Greetings! Bethany here. I have been incredibly thankful for Tim's postings. I miss reading his updates even though I share a room with him and get updated quite frequently. :)

I am currently sitting on the bed next to Toby who has just graced me with a giant snot bubble and a mound of fresh spit up while listening to Promise cry on the baby monitor because she has just woken up from her nap.... *sigh*.

Toby is now two months old and what a handsome little man he is! Though fighting a bit of a sinus infection (I have to give him saline drops twice daily and then suction all that green mucous out...eww), he smiles every time I enter the room and looks expectantly for his loud and silly older sister. He is so precious. His personality is starting to show, too. He hates being alone....even when asleep! He knows when I leave the room and will immediately show his displeasure by letting out a quick shrill cry. Thinking he has hurt himself, I race in there only to see him smiling because he got my attention. As long as I am holding him, he is content....however, with him growing well passed 14 pounds now, my hips are crying out to put him down! He is already out of his 3 month clothing and we have had to change to medium size diapers because the amount of excretion surpasses that of most grown adults. We are blessed....hourly. I love having a boy!!

Promise is growing just as fast sporting new words and sentences daily. She is a hoot and I am ever surprised at what she picks up. She discovered her daddy's real name a bit ago and has tried, "Hey, Tim!" and "Where'd Tim go, mommy?" We have to keep reminding her that his name is "daddy". :)

She is super independent and yet, has entered a "hold you" stage...that is, every couple of minutes she asks, "I hold you? I hold you?" meaning, "Will you hold me?" Usually it is in response to teething pain or anxiety, of which there has been a bit these days. Our current living situation has not been conducive to a transitioning 2 year-old. Between the dogs and constant change over of visitors and strangers in the house, Promise prefers to play in our bedroom. Living in community has been tough on her, though Tim and I have enjoyed meeting and getting to know so many new people. When we return to Canada, our home will certainly be less full.

Speaking of which, we are planning to head home November 15 and will be living in Abbotsford, BC. The Lord has gone before us and we have the privilege of living in a basement suite below Tim's parents. The set-up will be a huge blessing for us! A place of sanctuary and rest, home base for the kids and close to family....all the reasons we desire to head home. We look forward to our first Thanksgiving and Christmas at home with our families. God is faithful. We have even had friends and family collecting furniture, winter clothes, and the like for us so we can set up house! We are still in need of a car, as Tim will have a bit of a commute to work (more on that later).

We plan to be there for at least 6 months, but are certain we will head out overseas once again to develop more water projects and serve in midwifery. I will let Tim share with you what his work plans are when we return to Canada. They are pretty cool. I, too, may need to work a bit, perhaps teaching prenatal courses. We are not sure what I will have time to do other than hang with my precious ones...which I must say, is a full time job!

I have been spending most days trying to prepare for heading back to Canada...it's amazing how much paperwork and "stuff" gets picked up after 3 years overseas! I have also been trying to secure Promise in her surroundings.....we threw her a Birthday party the end of August with as many familiar faces as possible including her favorite babysitters and playmates. She LOVED having friends over and since then, every time the gate squeaks, she announces, "Friends are here!" even when they are not visitors for us, but for the other tenants in the house. ;) I am also trying to set up a daily routine with the two kids that will easily be transplanted back to Canada....I must say, having TWO small children is quite the challenge. I knew it would be tough and I am amazed at how resilient my aching, overtired body is! Our routine for both kiddos seems to be feed, bathe, change, feed, rock, change, feed, etc. until bathe, put down to sleep and try to sleep. Pretty normal, eh? :)

Tim has been an incredible support, too....we are both in love with our kiddos, but gosh, two screaming children with incessant barking dogs, yapping puppies, and a busy household can really wear on us. This too, shall pass.

In all honesty, I am still struggling to find my "place" in 'our' calling....The Lord sent me to university to get a teaching degree -- check! Then He sent me to the Philippines for a midwifery degree -- check! He has us wait 6+ years before having kids and then SURPRISE right in the middle of what we thought was the "start" of our overseas ministry....now what? Tim is sure of his calling and passion....and mine seems to change yearly. :) While I am not bitter or at all disappointed in this, I am confused as to when these degrees will be used. Guess that's something for the Lord to figure out and let me know later. I love being a mom, but I still feel that PULL to do what I have spent countless hours, tons of money, and moved halfway across the world to do....if my calling is to stay at home with my kids full time, then I really want to do it with my family nearby....if the Lord wants me to both raise a family and divide my time with midwifery or teaching, then I want to be overseas serving. I dunno...I miss working at the clinic here and I miss seeing my peers minister there, too. God gives me situations here and there to help out and advise patients and peers here in midwifery, but it is not quite the same as working along side them.

I think Tim and I are in a funny stage of life.

Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to prepare for moving...again. :) Please pray that the Lord will protect our health, too, as both Toby and Tim have been fighting colds on and off. Please pray that the Lord will go before us and prepare a home for us that will bring Him glory and us joy. :) Please pray for our finances, as it will be a very difficult adjustment living in the West. Thank you for all of your support, encouragement and prayers. We are so blessed to be partnering with so many of you.....so glad to have family reading.

We will try to update the blog more frequently now that some of the dust is settling. :)

Be blessed.