I've lost my mojo. It disappeared a couple weeks ago. My spell checker doesn't believe that "mojo" is a real word, but it is. I checked. You can check too, though I'll try to save you the trouble. One of the definitions is charisma. I keep misplacing mine. It's probably a good thing, though I'm not really ready to embrace such a theory at this point. I'll lay the theory out for you regardless.
To put it bluntly, I rely on my mojo too much. Some of you are having trouble with the word mojo (you know who you are), so I'll try to replace it with charisma. In the last two years, I have become a rather driven person. I'm the guy who coasted through high school, met the bare minimum requirements for my university application, and then dropped out during my second year of post secondary education, having come to the shocking realization that the institution actually expected me to put in an effort. Since that time, there has been an abundance of grace heaped upon me and I managed to get a few things done. Not the least of which was finding a fabulous lady, convincing her to marry me, and developing what I believe is a pretty strong marriage.
When I caught the vision for clean water in Mindanao, something deep inside me suddenly woke up. There was a drive, a determination that I had never known before. I'm pretty sure that it was the Holy Spirit. It seemed to compliment another part of me that has always been there, including a surprising passion for business. That's where the mojo comes in. My problem lies in the fact that I so often find myself relying too heavily on my charisma instead of the Holy Spirit who gave me this vision in the first place.
Frankly, I've made it pretty far on my charisma, but lately it has failed me. As the challenges (and failures) have stacked up this month, my ability to respond with renewed energy and determination has been eroded. Sure, when I'm in a meeting and I need to impress, the mojo is there. But when I'm at my desk and crappy news appears in my inbox, or people won't return my calls, my drive is nowhere to be found. And now that it's gone, it is becoming abundantly clear that the Holy Spirit was edged out a long time ago.
My vision is too big to be serviced by my mojo alone, especially considering it is M.I.A. these days. I understand that my charisma is one of my giftings, and it comes from Him. There is however, a subtle but important difference between putting my trust in God, and putting my trust in the talents and gifts that come from God.
I'm a stubborn fool. You may know that about me. I have just laid out before you a perfectly logical equation that clearly points to my need for God. Logic is my dear friend, but today it has betrayed me, leaving me to pout stubbornly alone. Ét tu, Logique?
I will come to a place of surrender soon, where I place my trust in the Lord and stop trying to do everything on my own strength. Bethany has been praying for that day. You can join her. In the meantime, my Father is still mysteriously merciful.
Yesterday Toti and I travelled to Koronadal, where we had a very productive meeting with the CEO of International Care Ministries and his Director of Community Development. The meeting was quite a distance from here (the equivalent of driving from Vancouver to Portland for one meeting and then returning the same day), so we ran out of time and weren't able to work out all of the particulars. Long story short, I will be in Hong Kong to meet with them again on November 3rd, when we hope to ink our first deal of many. They are planning pilot projects in four different villages and if those go well, we will be seeing a very fruitful partnership between our two organizations which will result in a lot of people getting clean water.
So that is good news, and I know that it is due to the Lord's grace. Imagine what he could accomplish through me if I would just surrender to Him and stop being such a jackass.
On a side note, I am left wondering why I can make myself so vulnerable here in the interwebs, but squirm when my wife addresses these issues in a coffee shop. Pray for me; I'm a jackass.
Toti snapped a pic during our meeting. There are some more photos of Promise's wake up faces on Facebook.