Monday, January 31, 2011

Dying to self.

Enjoying the cold in the West. Promise's new favorite activity....SWINGING!
Toby learning what it means to be COLD!
Our very last few moments in the Philippines with our dear friends Toti and Connie Ambulo. We miss them.

Today I am closing my facebook account. It seems weird to do that, but I feel as though it is one more step I am choosing to make to create a bubble of safety around myself and my family.

I have been reading several books these days on God's desire for intimacy with me. I am at risk of becoming a "spiritual nut-job" as a result and to be perfectly honest, I am happy about that.

As I struggle to find some peace and sanctuary from the painful memories and anguish of the last couple years, I am struck by 2 Corinthians 4. Read it here .

Especially verse 17: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Basically it's saying, once again, that this life is merely a blip on the radar....we are a blink of an eye....a vapor....a moment compared to eternity. To the sovereign God, our life span is just a snap of the fingers....To the God who created the entire universe with a spoken word, my life here on earth is a troubles, momentary.

While I am precious and of great value to my Maker, who gave His very own Son, Jesus, to reunite me with Himself, my life here on earth is simply the "rehearsal" for my life in eternity. With this thought in mind, my daily struggles with anguish, pain, and hurt are, too, a blink of an eye. When I feel as though I "don't deserve this" or the pain feels as though it will never end or if I feel as though I "need" to end it all, I am challenged to see it through this perspective: "Can I suffer for a moment in time? Can I feel pain and anguish for a blink of an eye? Can I be obedient to God for a vapor if it means spending an eternity in glory with my Maker?"


I love the song "Brought to Tears" by Jeremy Riddle.

The chorus goes like this:
"When I think of all You've done for me:
Taking Your majesty and wearing humanity.
Giving Your life for me, changing my destiny.
I am brought to tears."

I, too, am brought to tears when I think that for thousands of years, humanity has been sinning, living for "himself", selfishly hurting those around "him", but most of all, grieving God and yet, Jesus underwent the greatest suffering, enduring every awful deed of every created being for all of history just so every generation, every person's "blink-of-an-eye-life" can have the opportunity of spending an ETERNITY with Him in His beauty and glory. What grace! I can endure injustice, suffering and emotional turmoil for this moment knowing that Jesus paid for it all and my eternal destiny is secure. Mmmm. 2 Corinthians 4 gives me license to be a spiritual nut-job, too...for I am living for what is unseen....ha ha ha! Tell THAT to your therapist and see what they say! CUCKOO! Love it.

That's what I am grappling with these days as I process my hiccup of a life. Be all glory to Jesus. Amen.
Be blessed.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Entering a new season. Leaving an extended winter.

I am always astounded by the desolation of the winter months here in Canada. While in the Philippines, there was very little to differentiate winter months from summer months except for the Christmas carols being played in groceries stores in the "ber" or Brrr months, here in Canada, the shocking reality of winter is clear.

The past 4 months have been the most difficult months of our extended full of the bitter, bone-chilling cold emotionally, relationally, maritally, and spiritually. As so many of you know, Tim and I have been going through our greatest hell in the past 2 years and we are now beginning to see the hope of spring.

Without going into detail, Tim and I have made a very drastic life-change in order to seek the Lord more fervently with every piece of our being. We are now entering a season of rejuvenation, healing, and restructuring. We have cut out most forms of media (TV, movies, news and the like), are seeing a counselor bi-weekly, and have found a home church where we will be getting fed, keep accountable and get discipled.

We still know without a doubt that we are called overseas once again to serve the poor....but not in the very broken state that we are in. We seek to be whole and wholly devoted to each other and the Lord before entering into full-time service once again.

So that leads me to where we are currently.
We finally are moving into our "own" home the end of February. We will be moving into a basement suite below Tim's parents in Abbotsford where Tim's family is located and where we have found a church. Tim is working partially with Impact Nations being their "water guy" while fundraising for the Philippines. He is also a sort of tech guy for another company called WOW Ventures. Feel free to google them! They're great.

I have the privilege of staying home with the kids and packing boxes for my in-laws' so that we all can move to Abbotsford together. :) (they are in India until 2 days before we move!)

I am looking forward to having a place of sanctuary to begin to raise Toby and Promise in a more stable environment.

As some of you know, I am leaving facebook and would like to keep tabs on people more personally via e-mail. Feel free to e-mail! (

I will try to update this blog more regularly now that life is looking a little more manageable. I will also try to be a bit more transparent regarding our life's journey in the future.
Thank you for reading and praying for us. God is faithful and I am so grateful for His unfailing love, acceptance, mercy and grace.
Be blessed.