Monday, January 31, 2011

Dying to self.

Enjoying the cold in the West. Promise's new favorite activity....SWINGING!
Toby learning what it means to be COLD!
Our very last few moments in the Philippines with our dear friends Toti and Connie Ambulo. We miss them.

Today I am closing my facebook account. It seems weird to do that, but I feel as though it is one more step I am choosing to make to create a bubble of safety around myself and my family.

I have been reading several books these days on God's desire for intimacy with me. I am at risk of becoming a "spiritual nut-job" as a result and to be perfectly honest, I am happy about that.

As I struggle to find some peace and sanctuary from the painful memories and anguish of the last couple years, I am struck by 2 Corinthians 4. Read it here .

Especially verse 17: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Basically it's saying, once again, that this life is merely a blip on the radar....we are a blink of an eye....a vapor....a moment compared to eternity. To the sovereign God, our life span is just a snap of the fingers....To the God who created the entire universe with a spoken word, my life here on earth is a troubles, momentary.

While I am precious and of great value to my Maker, who gave His very own Son, Jesus, to reunite me with Himself, my life here on earth is simply the "rehearsal" for my life in eternity. With this thought in mind, my daily struggles with anguish, pain, and hurt are, too, a blink of an eye. When I feel as though I "don't deserve this" or the pain feels as though it will never end or if I feel as though I "need" to end it all, I am challenged to see it through this perspective: "Can I suffer for a moment in time? Can I feel pain and anguish for a blink of an eye? Can I be obedient to God for a vapor if it means spending an eternity in glory with my Maker?"


I love the song "Brought to Tears" by Jeremy Riddle.

The chorus goes like this:
"When I think of all You've done for me:
Taking Your majesty and wearing humanity.
Giving Your life for me, changing my destiny.
I am brought to tears."

I, too, am brought to tears when I think that for thousands of years, humanity has been sinning, living for "himself", selfishly hurting those around "him", but most of all, grieving God and yet, Jesus underwent the greatest suffering, enduring every awful deed of every created being for all of history just so every generation, every person's "blink-of-an-eye-life" can have the opportunity of spending an ETERNITY with Him in His beauty and glory. What grace! I can endure injustice, suffering and emotional turmoil for this moment knowing that Jesus paid for it all and my eternal destiny is secure. Mmmm. 2 Corinthians 4 gives me license to be a spiritual nut-job, too...for I am living for what is unseen....ha ha ha! Tell THAT to your therapist and see what they say! CUCKOO! Love it.

That's what I am grappling with these days as I process my hiccup of a life. Be all glory to Jesus. Amen.
Be blessed.


Anonymous said...

Though there has been pain in these past 3+ years, there has also been the greatest blessings. Two miracle children, safety through tumultuous storms, provision for every need and forgiveness beyond human comprehension. That is the reward for dying to self, and that is the path to intimacy with Jesus. You are blessed beyond measure to have that kind of friendship with
your Maker. I love this testimony-blog, Bethany, and I love you!

Anonymous said...

P.S. Bethany,
Something came to mind about your topic, dying to self...the verse that says, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." Ps 116:15 Takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it?

RuthAnn said...

thanks Bethany- your thoughts were a blessing to me, and a great reminder that my life, too, is but vapor. Here- wet, real, tangible, but in an instant, gone. Unable to hold it in my hand...

~*Beth Durden*~ said...

lol!!! You are awesome :) You are not a've just found the true lover of your soul and have come to the end of yourself! Yes I did try to tell that to my therapist, who was a Buddhist, when I was going through the beginning of it all...and that's when I promptly left her to find my awesome Christan therapist (who I still have now) and realized she was the only one who would get what God was teaching me.
You are brave in your brokenness and strong in your weakness.

Laura Minor said...

I enjoy reading your blogs they inspire me. I live with the same thoughts.

Laura Minor said...

I enjoy reading your blogs they inspire me. I live with the same thoughts.