Last week was a blur.
Visitors left on Friday.
Then came the clean up on Saturday.
Tried to get reorganized.
Tried to get back into some kind of routine.
Bird didn't sleep.
Sunday - a day of rest....and homework.
Sunday, 9 pm - Annaluz in labor. "Meet me at Mercy", she says.
2 cm. Stretchy cervix....third baby...may go fast.
2:00 am- Annaluz wants to push. 2:35 am baby boy, Leofe, born with thick meconium and a weak cry.
3:00 am - baby stable and mom's good. Joy and praise. Postpartum checks, injections, examinations....
6:00 am - lumber home, feed hungry, very awake baby. Sleep one hour.
8:00 am - pump, shower, dress, eat, run to clinic for prenatals, lab, and baby checks.
1:30 pm - BREAK to feed baby at clinic, have meeting, and eat meager lunch.
2:30 pm - Statistics class. Eyes are heavy. Need more coffee.
4:30 pm - home, feed bird, homework, make dinner....head to bed early?
Bird didn't sleep.
Day off. Groceries. Homework.
Feeling discouraged, tired, mildly lonely, weak.
Trying to finish academics by May, NARM numbers by June, clinical hours by February 2010. Seems so far away.
I want to be a mom, a wife.
I want to be a good midwife.
I want to not worry about the next few months.
I want to positively impact the women around me.
But I'm tired. Broken. Broke.
Need $5,000. by March for tuition.
In almost $10,000. in debt from living here.
I want to dive into service to others, but feel the weight of responsibility.
I feel like an empty vessel, but know where the fresh springs are....just within reach, but can only take small sips. Too tired to drink from it.
Feel weak. Behind. Handicapped?
Full of expectation. Weighed down with expectations.
Love my life, but struggling to continue persevering.
Love my baby.
Love my husband.
Know there's an end to this present season.
Know I will make it.
Need Him more.
He's been faithful. Always faithful.
Tomorrow - baby checks, homework, class, mom, wife, student, midwife. Child.