Tearing down walls

Greetings!

So we are still settling here in Abbotsford. This coming week, we will be knocking down our living room/kitchen wall to connect our bedroom to the rest of the basement suite while expanding the kitchen a bit. This is pretty exciting because this tiny kitchen is in desperate need of cupboard space and the wall coming down will help. :)

Other walls are coming down, too. Walls of miscommunication that have grown over 9 years of marriage between Tim and me are beginning to crumble. Walls of fear and insecurity are slowly coming apart, too. Tim and I are realizing just how weak and unstable our foundations have been and how hard they are tumbling down. We are so grateful we serve a God of restoration.

Speaking of restoration, we are excited for tomorrow evening. We were connected with a couple in their 80s at our church who have a ministry mentoring couples. Tomorrow night, we have the privilege of meeting with them while my dear friend, Arnica, babysits. I cannot begin to tell you what an incredible blessing it is that they are willing to meet us and how amazing it is that God even provided Arnica to watch our kids.

We had a interesting week regarding restoration. One of our dearest friends, whom you have read about on here, I am sure, came all the way from Ontario via New Zealand to visit us. Aunt Sylvia, of the famous Uncle Bob and Aunt Sylvia, stayed with us for a few days just to BE with us. Her presence was deep deep refreshment for our spirits.

This was the first time we had seen her since the death of Uncle Bob, so it was a time to share each other's grief, but also share the wonderful memories we had together. You see, Uncle Bob and Aunt Sylvia were our precious mentors, but even more than mentors, they were our spiritual parents....our dearest friends. Uncle Bob passed away suddenly when we were in the Philippines, and I can honestly say, his absence has been incredibly painful.

However, having Aunt Sylvia here seemed so comfortable....even without her other half, she was whole. And she wholly devoted herself to blessing us. She held the kids while I got work done around the house, she helped with chores, she did laundry, cooked, played cards, made espresso and encouraged us. She walked through our house with us praying over each room for the Holy Spirit to take over and cried with me as I shared Tim and my current journey. We had an amazing time of dedicating our new home to Jesus. I needed that time with her. God knew that and I am so grateful she came.

Sorry this post is so scattered, I am busy listening to my tantrumming Promise in the bath tub and Tim trying to explain to her that it's almost time to get out of the tub and stop playing "hi-one" (basically playing dolls with Little People). I love my family.

Promise continues to astound me. Though she has reached the TERRIBLE part of the 'terrible twos', she is so very smart and creative. Her giggles and silly songs make every tantrum worth it. While I cannot seem to get her to eat anything but cheese, yogurt, bread, pesto pasta and chicken nuggets, she LOVES to cook and help with all the daily chores.....though I have to follow behind her cleaning up her cleaning. :)

She often talks of Jesus and believes with all her heart that He lives inside of her. She talks to him everyday. We also do a Bible study together that she gets from her children's church every Sunday. She asks if we can go to church almost every morning. I love that she is loving Jesus. She even thought the furniture delivery guy with the long curly hair and dark beard was Jesus and was so very excited he had come to bring Grandma Christina a table. :)

Toby just cut his first tooth and still explodes from his southern orifice greater than anything I have ever known (this coming from a midwife!). He loves to wrestle and is already fitting into 12-18 month clothing at just 8 months. He is so cuddly and sweet. He is saying "Da-Da" lots now and has learned to fart with his lips, which he is so very proud of. While he still cannot crawl, he is RUNNING after Promise in his mind.....his eyes are always following her and you can see he is just itching to get up!

I guess I should stop writing now. Anybody reading this anyways?

So that's what God has been up to the last two weeks in the Stewart home in Abbotsford.

We are clinging to Haggai 2:6-9....the passage God has given us for this season at home.

Be blessed. I will make sure there are pictures in the next post.

Newsletter and news

Sorry about the last post....or lack thereof. It was supposed to tell you that we were moving, but my computer broke and because Tim takes his to work everyday, I have to quickly check e-mail and blog on Tim's iPad before Promise gets wind of it. However, the iPad doesn't do blogger. Sadness. So all you got was a title. Sorry.

So I am currently writing on Tim's computer....in our new home in Abbotsford. :) Our basement suite has quickly transformed from an empty 3 bedroom 1.5 bath stranger's place to a homey, busy, and bright toddler land....complete with a very happy Promise and a giddy Toby. They love their new home....as do I. It's the perfect size for us and with upcoming renovations to the kitchen, it will be quite nice.

While the transition has been tough, we're excited for the future here in Abbotsford. I met with the women's pastor from our new church today and she seems very eager to connect me with a mentor and get me involved in the women's groups. I am so excited to see how the Lord provides community here.

Tim wrote a brief newsletter to play a bit of catch up....Complete with pics from our new home.

Here it is:

Bethany and I returned to Canada near the end of 2010 after having spent three and a half years in the Philippines. During those years we gained a deeper understanding of God's grace than we could have ever imagined. As I look back at our time in the Philippines, I am astonished by what the Lord accomplished through us. It is so humbling to see how He can use us despite our weaknesses.

When we arrived in the Philippines in July of 2007, Bethany had never delivered a baby, I had never seen a water filter, and we were without children. By the time we left, Bethany had delivered 80 babies and was a registered midwife, we had seen the distribution of 4000 filters, and we were the proud parents of two beautiful children, Promise and Toby.

God is so good. And my wife is amazing.

We have withstood the reverse culture shock that returning missionaries face, and have begun to re-prioritize our lives. This will be a season for building up our family and seeking the Lord for restoration and refreshment.

We have just moved to Abbotsford and are living in the basement suite of my parent’s new home. After living on the other side of the world, we are looking forward to being close to family. Promise and Toby will be near all of their Stewart cousins and of course their grandparents will be just upstairs.

The move to Abbotsford has led us to search for a new church. For the last seven years our home/sending church has been Life Center Community Church in Vancouver, and while we will forever feel at home there, we will simply be too far away to attend regularly. We feel very strongly like the Lord has directed us to Northview Community Church in Abbotsford. We look forward to getting plugged in to their various programs for children and adults.

God’s provision never ceases to amaze me. Shortly before we left the Philippines, our water project was adopted by a Vancouver organization called WOW Ventures. They have committed to assisting us as we attempt to develop a sustainable business model. At the beginning of January, WOW sent Daniel Anggara to Davao to take my place as the new CEO of Impact Nations Philippines Inc.

In partnership with WOW Ventures, I will continue my work with Impact Nations through to the end of May. I continue to serve the water filter business in the Philippines as a technical advisor and sales consultant. I’m also working to raise awareness for clean water initiatives and other Impact Nations projects.

Bethany is looking forward to a season of home building. She will spend time with the kids and set up our new home, making it a space we can call our own. She is currently looking for ways to keep her midwifery skills sharp so that she is ready to serve the poor in the developing world when the time comes.

Promise and Toby are doing great and have adjusted well to life in Canada. Promise is now two-and-a-half and loves to spend time with her cousins. She is also really enjoying the Sunday school program at the new church. At seven months, Toby is a big healthy boy who lights up any time his mother walks into the room.

Many have asked us how long we will be in Canada and whether we will one day return to a less developed country. We can honestly say that we have no idea what the Lord has in store for us. We do know that we will follow Him to the ends of the earth, but we believe we are right where He wants us right now.

Let me conclude by saying thank you. We have had an incredible team of supporters throughout the last several years. I don’t know how we could have done it without you. I cannot express how much we have appreciated your prayers and continued financial support.

If you have been giving on an ongoing basis and would like to continue, your gifts are certainly welcome. As mentioned, Impact Nations continues to pay me a salary for the work that I am currently doing, both on the Philippines water and other projects. Your gifts make a big difference. Alternatively, you may wish to contribute to a specific project that Impact Nations is spearheading.

We would love to hear from you. The best way to reach us is either by email or by phone. We look forward to catching up with you soon.

In His Service,

Tim & Bethany Stewart

Moving forward!

A day of pondering....

Happy Valentine's Day. Tim and I went out last Wednesday for our "date" while his brother and his brother's future wife watched the kiddos. What a blessing. Tim gave me an incredible Valentine's present. A journal....that HE writes in...to ME! Just about everyday, I can find a short note written to me in his handwriting. :) A blessing considering he will make a shopping list on his iPad instead of on a piece of scratch paper!

Thank you, Tim.

Today has been a rough day.

I was just writing the women's ministry director of our new church to ask her how to connect with a mentor and some discipleship and came face to face with my loneliness.

I have friends. But I need a mentor....a woman strong in the faith to kick my bum when self-pity and anger pop up...I need someone to sit and listen to me cry when I feel as though God isn't enough....even when I know He IS!

After tearfully writing her an introductory e-mail, I was reminded of some friends' blogs who are currently serving at Mercy in the Philippines and decided to "quickly" check in on them since I no longer facebook. Perhaps this wasn't a very good idea.

As I read about their delivering babies and ministering to the women, how Mercy just celebrated their 15th year anniversary with their 17,000th baby, how each one is struck by the compassion of a merciful God, I began to weep.

I cannot begin to describe how I am feeling....a deep sense of loss perhaps? Missing making a positive contribution to the Kingdom? I should be clear....I do not miss the Philippines....I miss some dear friends there, but even moreso, I miss serving women in need.....and now I AM THAT woman in need. I am struggling to be okay with that. "To every season...."

While I struggle with hating the last 3 years of my life, I am struck by God's mercy through those 3 years. The power of God and the miraculous were part of everyday life. And they still are, though I find Him more difficult to see. He is here.

At this time last year, I was pregnant with my precious son, Toby and had taken Promise with me on a long flight to Oregon to take my midwifery certification exam. That was a rough month. I wish the Lord would wipe away the memories of the last 3 years so that there would be no pain. However, there would also be no memory of the joys of the last 3 years....the birth of my Promise....and my Toby. Mmmm. I thank the Lord for them daily.

Just some blue thoughts on this grey day.

Affliction.

"Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts."

I read that early this morning in my devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young (though most of the writings are really Jesus speaking and Ms. Young just writes it down with Scripture to solidify it all).

I had the picture of a snake getting ready to strike, but then "recoiling" quickly after being threatened with a big, fat bat to the head. Yeah, that sounds like my response to afflictions at times! Could they be one of Jesus' "most favored gifts"? You have got to be kidding! This Jesus..full of love, mercy, grace, joy....giving us a GIFT of AFFLICTION!? What is He ON!?

I am reminded of the passage from Luke 22:

³¹ “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. ³² But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

³³ But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.”

³⁴ Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”

What is affliction? Dictionary.com says it's 1:a state of pain, distress, or grief; misery: They sympathized with us in our affliction.

2.a cause of mental or bodily pain, as sickness, loss, calamity,or persecution.

Sometimes affliction comes as a result of sin....consequences and such. Sometimes affliction comes as a result of what Luke 22 is saying....Satan asked to sift us like wheat, God gives permission and Jesus is interceding on our behalf during the process. A gift?

The gift part of it all must come when His strength and glory are shone through our weakness in that affliction....for how can their be reconciliation without division, forgiveness without sin, grace without wrongdoing, joy without sorrow, a show of strength without weakness? You get the point....the gift part is the amazing opposite of affliction that can only come after affliction. Mmm. And in affliction, Jesus is interceding for us so that instead of that affliction causing us to run from the faith or die or whatever our temptation may be in order to cope, we will be STRENGTHENED in the faith so that we can encourage and strengthen our "brothers" to endure affliction as well. In the end, we will enjoy pure freedom and joy, peace, and His Presence more fully than before....appreciate His Presence more than before.

His favor is all over affliction.

I feel conflicted and convicted in my affliction. "Lord, thank you for my current afflictions because I know that You are working within them to reveal Your glory and precious gifts in me...may they draw me closer to You."

Ugh....

Be blessed.

Dying to self.

Enjoying the cold in the West. Promise's new favorite activity....SWINGING!
Toby learning what it means to be COLD!
Our very last few moments in the Philippines with our dear friends Toti and Connie Ambulo. We miss them.

Greetings!

Today I am closing my facebook account. It seems weird to do that, but I feel as though it is one more step I am choosing to make to create a bubble of safety around myself and my family.

I have been reading several books these days on God's desire for intimacy with me. I am at risk of becoming a "spiritual nut-job" as a result and to be perfectly honest, I am happy about that.

As I struggle to find some peace and sanctuary from the painful memories and anguish of the last couple years, I am struck by 2 Corinthians 4. Read it here .

Especially verse 17: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Basically it's saying, once again, that this life is merely a blip on the radar....we are a blink of an eye....a vapor....a moment compared to eternity. To the sovereign God, our life span is just a snap of the fingers....To the God who created the entire universe with a spoken word, my life here on earth is a glance....my troubles, momentary.

While I am precious and of great value to my Maker, who gave His very own Son, Jesus, to reunite me with Himself, my life here on earth is simply the "rehearsal" for my life in eternity. With this thought in mind, my daily struggles with anguish, pain, and hurt are, too, a blink of an eye. When I feel as though I "don't deserve this" or the pain feels as though it will never end or if I feel as though I "need" to end it all, I am challenged to see it through this perspective: "Can I suffer for a moment in time? Can I feel pain and anguish for a blink of an eye? Can I be obedient to God for a vapor if it means spending an eternity in glory with my Maker?"

Abso-flogging-lutely!

I love the song "Brought to Tears" by Jeremy Riddle.

The chorus goes like this:

"When I think of all You've done for me:

Taking Your majesty and wearing humanity.

Giving Your life for me, changing my destiny.

I am brought to tears."

I, too, am brought to tears when I think that for thousands of years, humanity has been sinning, living for "himself", selfishly hurting those around "him", but most of all, grieving God and yet, Jesus underwent the greatest suffering, enduring every awful deed of every created being for all of history just so every generation, every person's "blink-of-an-eye-life" can have the opportunity of spending an ETERNITY with Him in His beauty and glory. What grace! I can endure injustice, suffering and emotional turmoil for this moment knowing that Jesus paid for it all and my eternal destiny is secure. Mmmm. 2 Corinthians 4 gives me license to be a spiritual nut-job, too...for I am living for what is unseen....ha ha ha! Tell THAT to your therapist and see what they say! CUCKOO! Love it.

That's what I am grappling with these days as I process my hiccup of a life. Be all glory to Jesus. Amen.

Be blessed.

Entering a new season. Leaving an extended winter.

I am always astounded by the desolation of the winter months here in Canada. While in the Philippines, there was very little to differentiate winter months from summer months except for the Christmas carols being played in groceries stores in the "ber" or Brrr months, here in Canada, the shocking reality of winter is clear.

The past 4 months have been the most difficult months of our lives....an extended winter....one full of the bitter, bone-chilling cold emotionally, relationally, maritally, and spiritually. As so many of you know, Tim and I have been going through our greatest hell in the past 2 years and we are now beginning to see the hope of spring.

Without going into detail, Tim and I have made a very drastic life-change in order to seek the Lord more fervently with every piece of our being. We are now entering a season of rejuvenation, healing, and restructuring. We have cut out most forms of media (TV, movies, news and the like), are seeing a counselor bi-weekly, and have found a home church where we will be getting fed, keep accountable and get discipled.

We still know without a doubt that we are called overseas once again to serve the poor....but not in the very broken state that we are in. We seek to be whole and wholly devoted to each other and the Lord before entering into full-time service once again.

So that leads me to where we are currently.

We finally are moving into our "own" home the end of February. We will be moving into a basement suite below Tim's parents in Abbotsford where Tim's family is located and where we have found a church. Tim is working partially with Impact Nations being their "water guy" while fundraising for the Philippines. He is also a sort of tech guy for another company called WOW Ventures. Feel free to google them! They're great.

I have the privilege of staying home with the kids and packing boxes for my in-laws' so that we all can move to Abbotsford together. :) (they are in India until 2 days before we move!)

I am looking forward to having a place of sanctuary to begin to raise Toby and Promise in a more stable environment.

As some of you know, I am leaving facebook and would like to keep tabs on people more personally via e-mail. Feel free to e-mail! (bagpipegoo@yahoo.ca)

I will try to update this blog more regularly now that life is looking a little more manageable. I will also try to be a bit more transparent regarding our life's journey in the future.

Thank you for reading and praying for us. God is faithful and I am so grateful for His unfailing love, acceptance, mercy and grace.

Be blessed.