Teething, Tantrums, and Two

Greetings! Bethany here. I have been incredibly thankful for Tim's postings. I miss reading his updates even though I share a room with him and get updated quite frequently. :)

I am currently sitting on the bed next to Toby who has just graced me with a giant snot bubble and a mound of fresh spit up while listening to Promise cry on the baby monitor because she has just woken up from her nap.... *sigh*.

Toby is now two months old and what a handsome little man he is! Though fighting a bit of a sinus infection (I have to give him saline drops twice daily and then suction all that green mucous out...eww), he smiles every time I enter the room and looks expectantly for his loud and silly older sister. He is so precious. His personality is starting to show, too. He hates being alone....even when asleep! He knows when I leave the room and will immediately show his displeasure by letting out a quick shrill cry. Thinking he has hurt himself, I race in there only to see him smiling because he got my attention. As long as I am holding him, he is content....however, with him growing well passed 14 pounds now, my hips are crying out to put him down! He is already out of his 3 month clothing and we have had to change to medium size diapers because the amount of excretion surpasses that of most grown adults. We are blessed....hourly. I love having a boy!!

Promise is growing just as fast sporting new words and sentences daily. She is a hoot and I am ever surprised at what she picks up. She discovered her daddy's real name a bit ago and has tried, "Hey, Tim!" and "Where'd Tim go, mommy?" We have to keep reminding her that his name is "daddy". :)

She is super independent and yet, has entered a "hold you" stage...that is, every couple of minutes she asks, "I hold you? I hold you?" meaning, "Will you hold me?" Usually it is in response to teething pain or anxiety, of which there has been a bit these days. Our current living situation has not been conducive to a transitioning 2 year-old. Between the dogs and constant change over of visitors and strangers in the house, Promise prefers to play in our bedroom. Living in community has been tough on her, though Tim and I have enjoyed meeting and getting to know so many new people. When we return to Canada, our home will certainly be less full.

Speaking of which, we are planning to head home November 15 and will be living in Abbotsford, BC. The Lord has gone before us and we have the privilege of living in a basement suite below Tim's parents. The set-up will be a huge blessing for us! A place of sanctuary and rest, home base for the kids and close to family....all the reasons we desire to head home. We look forward to our first Thanksgiving and Christmas at home with our families. God is faithful. We have even had friends and family collecting furniture, winter clothes, and the like for us so we can set up house! We are still in need of a car, as Tim will have a bit of a commute to work (more on that later).

We plan to be there for at least 6 months, but are certain we will head out overseas once again to develop more water projects and serve in midwifery. I will let Tim share with you what his work plans are when we return to Canada. They are pretty cool. I, too, may need to work a bit, perhaps teaching prenatal courses. We are not sure what I will have time to do other than hang with my precious ones...which I must say, is a full time job!

I have been spending most days trying to prepare for heading back to Canada...it's amazing how much paperwork and "stuff" gets picked up after 3 years overseas! I have also been trying to secure Promise in her surroundings.....we threw her a Birthday party the end of August with as many familiar faces as possible including her favorite babysitters and playmates. She LOVED having friends over and since then, every time the gate squeaks, she announces, "Friends are here!" even when they are not visitors for us, but for the other tenants in the house. ;) I am also trying to set up a daily routine with the two kids that will easily be transplanted back to Canada....I must say, having TWO small children is quite the challenge. I knew it would be tough and I am amazed at how resilient my aching, overtired body is! Our routine for both kiddos seems to be feed, bathe, change, feed, rock, change, feed, etc. until bathe, put down to sleep and try to sleep. Pretty normal, eh? :)

Tim has been an incredible support, too....we are both in love with our kiddos, but gosh, two screaming children with incessant barking dogs, yapping puppies, and a busy household can really wear on us. This too, shall pass.

In all honesty, I am still struggling to find my "place" in 'our' calling....The Lord sent me to university to get a teaching degree -- check! Then He sent me to the Philippines for a midwifery degree -- check! He has us wait 6+ years before having kids and then SURPRISE right in the middle of what we thought was the "start" of our overseas ministry....now what? Tim is sure of his calling and passion....and mine seems to change yearly. :) While I am not bitter or at all disappointed in this, I am confused as to when these degrees will be used. Guess that's something for the Lord to figure out and let me know later. I love being a mom, but I still feel that PULL to do what I have spent countless hours, tons of money, and moved halfway across the world to do....if my calling is to stay at home with my kids full time, then I really want to do it with my family nearby....if the Lord wants me to both raise a family and divide my time with midwifery or teaching, then I want to be overseas serving. I dunno...I miss working at the clinic here and I miss seeing my peers minister there, too. God gives me situations here and there to help out and advise patients and peers here in midwifery, but it is not quite the same as working along side them.

I think Tim and I are in a funny stage of life.

Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to prepare for moving...again. :) Please pray that the Lord will protect our health, too, as both Toby and Tim have been fighting colds on and off. Please pray that the Lord will go before us and prepare a home for us that will bring Him glory and us joy. :) Please pray for our finances, as it will be a very difficult adjustment living in the West. Thank you for all of your support, encouragement and prayers. We are so blessed to be partnering with so many of you.....so glad to have family reading.

We will try to update the blog more frequently now that some of the dust is settling. :)

Be blessed.

In The News

Did you know that we have produced over 4000 BioSand Water Filters since we began in February 2008? That's a lot of clean water! We couldn't have done it on our own. The Lord has provided us with some great partners who have helped us distribute these filters in over 20 provinces.

These days, I am working very hard at looking to the future, setting a course for 2011. This week, however, I had occasion to look back into our past and gain some perspective.

I mentioned that Toti and I began working together in February of 2008. While he was busy building some of his first filters, I was out on a crazy adventure with some friends. We were part of a team performing a small medical clinic in a very remote village called Newtawas, located on the Davao river, on the wrong side of a distant mountain range. The hike nearly killed me.

When we arrived in Newtawas, we learned that they had just buried two people in their village who had died from water-related diseases. In fact, they reported that several people died each year due to the unsafe water. They had no choice but to drink from the very contaminated river, the effects of which were obvious. I returned to Davao and Toti and I immediately began plans to provide them with some water filters.

Did I mention that the village was on the wrong side of a distant mountain? Have I mentioned

that our filters weigh roughly 150lbs? These desperate people found a way to bring two filters over two mountains in two days. They first strapped them to a horse (oh, how I interceded for that animal!) and when the path became narrow and steep they carried the filter by hand. These people clearly understood their need.

We were glad to get the news a few days later that the filters made it to Newtawas in one piece. Our very first partners arrived in the village a few days later to install them. We distributed a few more filters in the area that month and then our attention shifted to other provinces.

Why am I telling you this outdated story? Well, last week we were reminded of our first great adventure. One of the national television networks, GMA, did a story on the evening news about these crazy BioSand Water Filters in this little place called Newtawas. GMA has a foundation that does community service projects, and they happened to be doing a medical clinic in Newtawas when they saw the filter in use.

A reporter decided to learn more about the filter and did a story on the evening news. The villagers reported that their health had improved immediately after the filter's arrival and they hadn't had any problems since! They marveled at its ability to proved safe drinking water day after day, year after year. They called on local politicians to bring in more of the filters for the entire region so that everyone could benefit from this powerful technology.

GMA's foundation has inquired about partnering with Impact Nations to help bring more filters to Newtawas and the surrounding area. We'll let you know as that develops in the coming months. We are also trying to track down a copy of the news story and will post the video here if we can find it.

I am left to reflect on the grace of God and the power of partnership. Together with a number of participants, we rescued lives. We partnered with donors in North America who provided the funds to build the filters. We partnered with another local missionary couple who provided the land on which to build the filters. We delivered the filters to the drop point using a truck that was donated by a church in Connecticut. The filters were carried over two mountains by people who were determined to be a part of the solution, and installed by compassionate people who saw the need and purposed in their heart to meet it.

The really cool thing is that these sort of stories are happening all the time, and we won't even hear about most of them. As I said, we now have over 4000 filters spread throughout more than 20 provinces. We can't keep track of each circumstance, and sometimes we get so caught up in the big picture that we forget what it is all about. We are rescuing lives. And when you stop to think about it, we have been blessed with an incredible privilege and an awesome responsibility.

Cheers,

Tim.

90 Days To Go

Hi, my name is Tim. You may remember me. I'm the dude with the red beard who used to hang around these parts. I'm related by marriage to the lovely lady that you are accustomed to hearing from. I have cute kids. I'm sorry I've not written on the blog much in the last few months. I could give you excuses, but I haven't got the time (you see what I did there?).

I realized today that we have exactly 90 days left in this country. We are scheduled to leave the Philippines on November 15th. It got me thinking a little bit about all that we have experienced since we arrived in Davao City more than three years ago, but mostly I was left fretting about all that needs to be done before we leave. With your permission, I'd like to get you caught up on what I've been up to and how I plan to spend my last 90 days.

We had dinner with some old friends tonight, and I was asked how often I get to go to the mountains to distribute the BioSand Water Filter. I explained the gradual shift from being the wild guy with the Grizzly Adams beard (don't click this link) who would wander around the countryside looking for dirty water, to the super focused business/sales guy that I am today. That's a pretty big shift in two and a half years, especially when you consider the fact that I still have essentially the same goals, with the exact same product.

My feelings about the BioSand Water Filter haven't changed. I still believe it to be an incredibly powerful tool for bringing safe drinking water to families in need. It also opens all sorts of doors for sharing the gospel, not to mention that fact that it can serve as a powerful demonstration of the gospel all by itself (Matt 25:35).

My approach to the BioSand Water Filter, however, has changed dramatically over the years. I have learned the hard way, time after time, how not to distribute the filter. I have felt pride at my accomplishments one day, only to come crashing down to earth the next as I learned of colossal failure. Without boring you with specifics, I will tell you that our greatest mistake was failing to maintain control over our distribution system. We had some great organizations and individuals who were helping us to install filters all over Mindanao. We became so focused on manufacturing quality filters and getting people excited about them, but I wasn't following up with our partners to be sure that we had a sustainable plan in place. We were all having fun blessing people with safe water, but it was total chaos.

It's funny how a deadline will sharpen your mind. As a student I used to leave my large assignments until the last minute. When the night before the due date arrived, I suddenly found myself able to focus. I have since matured and the Lord has helped me in my battle against procrastination, but the principle still applies. When it became clear that Bethany and I would be leaving the Philippines at the end of this year, I had the deadline I needed. In the time since that decision was made, Toti and I have been working like crazy to put systems in place to bring order to the chaos that I had created.

In recent weeks I have been working with Grayson Bain, the chairman of the Impact Nations International Ministries' board, and his right-hand man, Daniel Anggara, to put together a short-term and long-term plan for Impact Nations Philippines. The two of them have done a masterful job of helping me get our books in order so that we can better plan on where to go next. Now that we have a pretty good grasp of our financial situation, we can focus on the other factors. I have my regular weekly meeting with them in a few hours, so I'll need to get to bed soon.

I should mention that Impact Nations Philippines, Inc. has been financially self-sustained for some time now. We sell filters to government agencies and NGOs, and then reinvest our profits in order to increase our infrastructure and influence. We now have two manufacturing facilities on opposite sides of the country and two large flatbed trucks delivering as many as 70 filters at a time.

In addition to my work with Grayson and Daniel, I have been working hard on creating a consistent marketing message and strategy that can be employed by our team of distributors. We have individuals and organizations serving as authorized distributors of the BioSand Water Filter. They now have the marketing tools and the training needed to go out into their communities and promote this technology. Creating these tools was a great deal of hard work, but I believe it will lead to considerable success. We hope to create employment (distributors can earn a handsome wage and hire an installation team) and increase our market while maintaining quality control throughout each step in the distribution process. We will also have a much better ability to assess which strategies are working and which ones are in need of alteration.

If you would like to get a feel for what all this looks like, I encourage you to check out our new website. It should give you a bit of an understanding of our approach and our commitment to quality control, ensuring that each recipient of the BioSand Water Filter understands its import, use, and maintenance.

So, those are some of the things that I've been working on lately. My hours have been long and I don't get to the mountains anymore, but I am chasing a dream. I want so badly to see a network of distributors bringing a lifetime supply of safe drinking water to families all over this country. I so desperately desire to see my dear friend Toti take up the torch and carry this organization to bigger and better things. The Lord has been so gracious with us as we have stumbled in the dark. Toti and I believe that He has great things in store for us in the coming years.

Cheers,

Tim.

Update and Birth story....

Greetings! Sorry for the delay in posting...we have been spending the last few days catching our breaths. :) What a whirlwind it has been! However, things are going very well and God has shown Himself to be merciful, faithful and good.

Just a quick update before telling the "birth story" (midwives love that stuff)....

Toby had 7 days of antibiotics - 3 days intravenously and 4 days intramuscularly receiving 3 injections in his thigh per day (not an adventure I want to ever repeat).

By day 5 of the antibiotics, Toby's jaundice was beginning to subside with morning sunlight treatment and his activity level and awake, alert times were increasing. :) He gained a bit of weight taking him back up to his birth weight and managed to breastfeed 2 times per day without trouble (I had to pump the rest of the day and feed him by bottle).

Today, now two weeks old, Toby has passed his birth weight (PRAISE THE LORD!), is looking more and more like a little man, is having normal bowel movements (AND FREQUENT, TOO! No "fairy farts" and "angel burps" for THIS kid! He is ALL BOY!), is becoming a bit playful, smiling, cooing and seems like a completely different baby! The doc said that he believes Toby is out of the danger zone, though we were advised to be monitor him carefully over the next few months to make sure there are no side effects to his infection.

He sleeps well and only cries when he is overtired, falling quickly asleep at the breast....and not necessarily eating. Grr. He quietly wakes every 3 hours to feed...but doesn't cry...just grunts and squeaks....how nice of him.

Promise is still adjusting, but has stopped trying to steal his clothing and toys. She is still very clingy and high maintenance, fearing Toby has taken our affection, but she now pokes him and will kiss him on the cheek when prompted. She even pokes his nose saying, "Cute Baby Tobes".

Gramma Con (my mom) is coming to Davao this Tuesday (!!!) and Promise and I are sooo very thankful for the company, Tim is thankful for the help (he needs to work!) and Toby is thankful that his mommy will enjoy peaceful conversation over coffee with her mom. :)

Sooo...now for the "birth story" for those of you who like that kind of stuff. For those of you who can't handle reading about blood and private parts, stop reading now. :)

So...as many of you knew, we had tried to naturally induce labor as a result of my excruciating hip pain. After trying evening primrose oil, stripping the membranes, exercise, "contact" (sex), blue and black cohosh, and red raspberry, my midwife and friend, Bea and I decided that enough was enough....nothing was working and we were both very tired. At 39 weeks, I was exhausted, Tim was fried, and Promise was getting more and more annoyed with my decreasing ability to play with her. Then we got the flu.

The flu sent all three of us into a tailspin, giving me very painful contractions and hip pain without any cervical dilation...I THOUGHT I was in labor, but then the contractions just stopped. Grr.

A few days passed and my other midwife, Erin, came over to take me on a fast walk....I had mentioned to her that when I was active, the contractions would come every 2 minutes, but as soon as I would enter air con or sit, they would just stop. Erin and I walked briskly with Promise, Tim, and Erin's sister, Colleen, in tow with my contractions coming every 2 minutes...strong...when we got back to the house..yeah, you guessed it...they stopped. Erin and I discussed my need to just get this little man out or get a good night sleep. After talking to Bea, we decided that I needed to drink a beer and get some sleep. We would try inducing with stripping the membranes and walking again tomorrow.

Beer was had and I fell right to sleep....until 2 am when I woke up with strong contractions every 4 minutes putting intense pressure on my hips and cervix. YEAH!!! I definitely felt like I had reached true, early labor. Thankfully, I was able to stay lying down and rest through the contractions. Upon waking and showering, the contractions slowed a bit, but I felt as though perhaps they had done some good. Bea came over at 10 am to check things out while Tim took Promise to church...I had told her about my night, but I that I didn't think anything had progressed....she did an internal exam....4 cm dilated!!! WAHOO! We both cried....we had started labor.

She stripped the membranes for a long time and when I got up, my contractions nearly knocked me over! YEAH!!! We were both excited....we knew today was the day...Toby was coming and we were ready. We decided to make pancakes with chocolate chips and walnuts and visit....except my water broke as soon as I sat down to eat...it was a high break causing just a little fluid to come out....Bea and I prayed, checked Toby's heart tones and the color of the fluid and headed to the air con bed room to eat, labor and wait for Tim to come home. We also texted Erin and An-An so that they would be ready when Bea and I decided baby was coming. Erin was to assist Bea while An-An was to assist Promise. :)

Labor pains increased significantly after my water broke, which is totally normal, except my hips started to seize making the pain very different than the labor pain I remembered with Promise. The pain was so intense that I thought I was dilating much faster than I truly was. Bea was busy squeezing my hips together and reminding me to eat my pancakes here and there between contractions. We totally enjoyed our time together....we talked with our dear friend Sherry Gregory (remember her from previous posts?), Heidi and Kate, and my parents breathing through contractions and trying to shoot the breeze in between. Fluid came out periodically, but no bloody show or anything else. Early labor.

Then things got more intense....Tim came home and Erin came shortly thereafter to find me not coping as well as I once was. Tim put Promise down for a much-needed nap and Erin and Bea began checking heart tones again. An-An came just in case Promise woke up from her nap wondering what all the grunting and heavy breathing was coming from. :)

Promise slept from 1 pm to 4 pm (a record for her for sure!) and during her sleeping hours, I progressed from 4 cm to 6 cm...we knew this because I was in excruciating pain desperately desiring to push or bear down....Bea did an internal exam and broke the bad news, "Bethany, you can't push, you need to only breathe." I think at this point, I said a naughty word and eagerly rose to my feet to try and cope with the next contraction...this was where Tim, Erin and Bea were needed to help me cope. The pain came like a HUGE, angry 10-wheeler barreling down on my hips....I screamed bearing down a bit and needing to bite something. Yup, it's true. I wanted to displace the pain, so I bit myself in the arm! Ha ha ha...Erin, Tim and Bea bursted into laughter....

Then there were the contractions that made me cry out "TCHOO-TCHOO!" and "I REALLY can't do this anymore!" and "BEA, JUST GET THE BABY OUT!" and "TOBY! COME OUT IN JESUS' NAME!!!" Followed by a series of giggles. I nearly bit Tim twice, nearly broke Bea's hand off and chewed out Erin for telling me to breathe one million much-needed times. Contractions came faster leaving no time for adequate breathing and Tim's strength became the only thing I could physically feel holding me up. It was at this point that I literally felt abandoned by God.

Now, I know He was there the entire time, but I distinctly recall Him being tangibly, emotionally and graciously present when I labored with Promise. So much so, that I sang hymns and thanked God for the contractions....this labor was totally different. I felt no peace, no grace, no mercy, and though I know in my heart He was there, I honestly felt abandoned....on my own...though we prayed, I felt no emotional relief, no spiritual encouragement, no strength or power outside of myself to continue. It was the most difficult place I have ever been in...I felt so strange ....I felt like Tim was it...His strength was all I felt.

An-An hung out with Promise outside the bedroom and managed to keep her totally content. :) I love An-An.

Around 4 ish, after copious position changes and coping attempts, Erin suggested I head into the bathroom for a warm shower. Erin, Bea and Tim followed me in the tub, an enclosed space about 4 feet by 6 feet...and me thrashing about in the hot shower spray. I was still wearing my "duster" (dress) squatting with each contraction held up by Tim and Erin on the edge of the tub while Bea coached me to breathe.....

Then it came...the BURN....then, the BLOOD...then I said, "TOBY IS COMING!!!!!" Bea maneuvered the tight space to get a good look at my pwerta..."HEAD VISIBLE!"

We managed to turn me around so that I was in supported squat held by Tim, Bea was at Toby's head, and Erin donned gloves checking heart tones and getting towels prepared. We laughed and cried as we knew this labor nightmare was almost over.

I pushed through only 2 or 3 contractions moving Toby to 4-5 cm head visible...more BURN! I could feel my body gently pushing without me...stretching further and further...

Bea coached me to breathe Toby out little by little....we met eyes and I touched Toby's head...Erin was encouraging me that it was almost there while Tim leaned over my shoulder to see Toby's squished skull between my legs. Poor kid!

Erin was unable to find heart tones during the 20 minutes it took to get Toby's head out....he was just so deep in my pelvis. As his head came out, I felt some relief, but another contractions barreled down on my lower abdomen making pushing so hard seizing my hips, too. I could hear Bea call out, "Body wrap"...the umbilical cord was around Toby's body, though not around is neck...his purple body came out with a gush of fluid and blood....he was purple. No cry. Limp. Instinctively, Bea and Erin placed him on my naked abdomen and chest stimulating him to breathe....nothing. He had passed terminal meconium, so we were covered in the thick, sticky, black goo. Good thing we were in the tub!

It was then that Erin jumped out of the tub grabbing the stethoscope and locking eyes with Bea and myself. We all knew the severity of the situation. Toby was in trouble. His first Apgar score was 2 and his second, at 5 minutes after birth was 3. I started to call out to Toby - "Toby...it's your momma...you gotta breathe, love....open your eyes and breathe, Toby!!...Jesus, make Him breathe, please!" I heard Tim begin to pray in tongues...

Bea grabbed the Ambu-bag to start PPV (resuscitation) while Erin checked Toby's heartbeat (it was steady at 130 bpm). His heart was strong, but he just could not take a breath. His eyes closed, I yelled for An-An and Promise to come in...An-An began to pray aloud and I heard Promise say, "Toby came out!" :) It was then that above Bea's "Breathe, two, three, Breathe, two, three" I heard Tim, Erin, An-An and myself storm the gates of Heaven for mercy. Praying in whatever language we could speak under the circumstances, we claimed life for our precious boy. Erin and Bea cut his umbilical cord and moved him to a flat surface to continue resuscitating. We continued to storm Heaven claiming Toby's name..."God is ALWAYS good...Tobias Robert James Stewart....GOD is ALWAYS GOOD! You are a TESTIMONY of God's goodness so you cannot die....you will LIVE in Jesus' Name to PROCLAIM the GOODNESS OF GOD! You are POWERFUL in the KINGDOM and the breath of LIFE and the HOLY SPIRIT are on you!"

The peace in the bathroom as we prayed and prayed was thick...the Presence of God had returned. We all knew it, too. Though Toby was still not breathing, we were feeling God's grace in the room.

An-An called 911 for an ambulance to be transported to the hospital and while we waited, Erin had the idea to literally turn Toby upside down, hanging him by his feet to get blood to his head...his eyes flew open and he grimaced! The first sign of improvement. Bea brought him to my chest again and gave him oxygen...he was a bit more pink, but still could not breathe...his chest was pink, but his hands, feet, and head were purple like death....we continued to pray...LOUDLY. Erin and Bea scurried around the bathroom preparing a transport bag and wrapping Toby up tight.

The ambulance came and the EMTs came in looking like deer in headlights as they saw a half-naked white lady in an empty tub with three large white people running around, a new baby purple and not breathing and An-An and Promise directing them. It was quite the sight for them...I am sure it was their first homebirth experience!

Toby, Tim and Erin raced to Brokenshire hospital while An-An stayed with Promise here at the house and Bea assisted in delivering my placenta, checking for tears, and stabilizing me. She was amazing. I immediately showered off with Bea's help and went pee. She checked me for a tear...a slight 1st degree that, though she suggested we suture, I argued that I would try the natural healing way if it closed straight...Bea looked a little skeptical, but she knew I was just wanting to get to the hospital ASAP. She relented and helped me dress, got me food, checked me for excessive bleeding (total estimated blood loss was 200 ccs), assisted me with the horrible afterpains, and helped pack an overnight bag for the hospital. Meanwhile, Promise and I skyped my parents, my brother, called Tim and sent out a facebook plea for prayer.

We were getting periodical updates from Tim and Erin...the last one just before leaving for the hospital was a noise I will never forget...Toby's cry...a shrill, but strong cry. Made me cry.

An-An offered to stay at the house while Bea, Promise and I raced to the hospital by taxi to meet up with Toby. Tim would then take Promise back home, tuck her into bed, An-An would be relieved by one of the girls from Mercy (thank you to Beth and Sarah for that!) and Tim would head back to the hospital overnight with me and Toby. Bea would be back in the morning to assess the situation and stay with me at the hospital while Tim headed home to check on Promise. It was quite the scheduling party!

At the hospital, Erin and Tim shared how the emergency room nurses and docs seemed so taken by the "white, peaceful baby" that they really stunk at helping him to breathe. Tim and Erin had to fight to get care for Toby and argue for his needs to be met as the nurses were thinking the baby was just quiet. Erin and Tim both shared how they emphatically, nearly yelled, "HE CAN'T BREATHE!!!"to the nurses. However, the pediatrician was being reached by phone and was ordering a bunch of tests. When I arrived, he was already hooked up to a oxygen-checking machine checking his O2 saturation and had been poked several times. I tried breastfeeding and he immediately latched on though he was still struggling to breathe and came off often in order to catch his breath.

Nurses came and went...we were all quite shaken up. And then Toby developed jaundice....the bad kind that develops within the first 24 hours of life. He rapidly turned from yellow to orange, making him irritable and difficult to feed. The next 24 hours were extremely difficult, though we were happy Toby was crying, he did not stop. He cried for 36 hours straight, arching his back and flexing all his muscles as if he was in great pain. He could not relax. His breathing was rough and his grunts sore. His voice was so hoarse. Tim and I were fried. Bea and Erin stayed super late to make sure we were okay for the evening. We were brought food and supplies while waiting for the next nurse to check Toby's vitals. None of them would give him anything for his distress. In the morning, after a sleepless night, Bea came and pleaded with the nurses to help Toby with his discomfort. We waited for the doctor to come while feeding Toby breastmilk by syringe.

The doctor, Dr. Estuart (the husband of the amazing OB doc I had at Brokenshire the previous month) was super friendly and helpful. He shared that the blood tests showed that Toby had a serious infection, though we had no idea what the bacteria causing it was. Bea and I thought it might be Group B strep as they do not test for that here, but it is quite common. Dr. Estuart ordered more tests and by Monday evening, Toby was on his first dose of intravenous antibiotics. Between the heel stick glucose testing, the multiple attempts at intravenous lines, and the blood tests, Toby had been poked 20 times....I cried a lot. So did Bea. Erin came Monday, too, and together we tried to figure out what we had just been through and what possible bacteria could be causing Toby such horrible chest pain and retractions.

Tim stayed at home with Promise Monday night while Bea stayed with me...it was another rough night. Bea helped me take a sponge bath and held screaming Toby while I slept. My hips were in excruciating pain as a result of afterpains and labor trauma. It was awful. Bea brought me beer to help with the milk production and pain, milk tea, and malunggay pills. Her house brought us a TON of groceries and snacks...we were in tears we were so grateful.

Bea and I had it out with the resident doctor as she was not doing her job and met with Dr. Estuart the next day to discuss the possibility of continuing Toby's treatment at home given the fact that the bacteria had still not been identified. There was the possibility of Listeria...though the onset of symptoms did not match....everyone seemed baffled. With Bea's help, we argued a good case to continue Toby's care at home. The Doc agreed as long as Bea gave the antibiotics intravenously until his catheter could no longer be used and then switch to intramuscular injections. We told him that we would keep in contact and he wrote our discharge papers.

The next few days were extremely rough. I was happy for a hot shower, but between the aftermath of labor, my tear, no sleep, and the stress of poking Toby 3x a day made healing very difficult. Promise was sensing the overall stress of the house, too. Tim was eager to get back to work, but with Promise struggling with the new addition, he spent a long time manning her while I focused on Toby. Toby began taking a bottle again of pumped breastmilk. We woke up by alarm every 2 hours to feed him as the jaundice had caused him severe lethargy that he wouldn't wake up even when hungry. My milk came in and between the early morning sunbathing and the new milk, Toby's jaundice started to subside. It was awful giving him injections in his thighs 3x per day, but he started to improve. Meanwhile, we were in close contact with Dr. Estuart regarding his care. Bea came over everyday either to bring food or arrange for food to come and to help give Toby his meds or check on me.

After a week, we met with the doc again....Toby was given an "out of danger" sign and we were told to monitor him closely for any residual side effects. 12 days after birth, I went to Bea because of severe pain in the pwerta...I was not healing...the stress and pressure had caused my tear to stay open and we opted to suture. A little late and painful, but needed.

So, though I am leaving a whole bunch of details out...you can see how God truly walked with us the whole way.

Today, I said goodbye to the dearest friend. Bea left Davao this morning for good. She is returning home after two years of midwifery training and I have to tell you...she is the best midwife I have ever seen...the most caring and qualified of nurses I have ever met and the dearest friend I have ever made here in Davao. Her service and grace, compassion and mercy over me and my family has truly impacted me...for life. She has been incredible....a source of encouragement....a source of help....His hands and feet when I could not "feel" Him....the Spirit of God in flesh. My life will never be the same because of her. She enriched and challenged me more than anyone I have met in our travels. I will miss her.

Not only Bea, but the whole 2010 Newlife International School of Midwifery class left this morning...the dearest friends I have ever had. We went to the airport together today to say our tearful goodbyes. They left a HUGE hole here. Tim and I have been so impacted by them. Amazing group of women. I am so thankful for the two years I had with them. They were there when Promise was born and they stayed to see the birth of Toby. Wow. Two years and so much has happened. I am grateful.

Tuesday, my mom arrives and not a moment too soon...or too late. The emptiness I feel as a result of losing such friendships here, no doubt will be alleviated by the sweet friendship, conversation, and companionship of my mom. I can't wait to hug her....and cry. A lot.

Tim is getting back into a routine and Promise is adjusting. Toby is growing and is now breastfeeding well. He is awesome....and burps and farts like a boy. :)

I better quit now. I am tired....crying now, too, as I reminisce on the past two weeks. Whew.

God is ALWAYS good.

Be blessed and thanks for reading.

Tobias Robert James Stewart....we are so thankful for YOU!

Greetings! I have to make this short and eventually I will share Toby's more detailed birth story. It's a long one and very very different than Promise's birth story.

For those of you who have been commenting on facebook and via e-mail, your encouragements have been priceless and we are so grateful for your prayers. :)

Now here's the quick version:

I finally went into labor Saturday night late and 15 hours later, at 4:42 pm, Sunday, July 11th, our son, Tobias Robert James Stewart was born in our empty bathtub weighing in a 9 lbs .4 oz., 51 cm long. :) (Told you it was a short version....but it REALLY is a LONG story)

He came out not breathing and could not be stimulated to breathe adequately despite resuscitation efforts at home. We were literally storming the gates of Heaven in tongues of prayer while trying to resuscitate him, but he just refused to cry or breathe. After 35 minutes of stimulation through PPV and oxygen, though his heart was beating strong, we transported to Brokenshire hospital here in Davao. Tim and my assistant midwife, Erin, took him while my primary midwife, Bea, and friend, An-An stayed to make sure I was stable. Three hours after birth, I headed to the hospital to feed Toby and find out his status. Promise was great the whole time and stayed with An-An while I went to the hospital. Toby was given oxygen and finally began to take breaths on his own. He was taken for blood work and a series of quite invasive testing.

After him not sleeping for 36 hours and screaming in pain, we found that he had a fairly serious infection and required immediate treatment. He then turned jaundice and within 2 days of birth, could no longer breastfeed. I immediately started pumping and fed him through a syringe and bottle. With the help of our midwife and nurse, Bea, the doctor allowed us to take him home to further his antibiotic treatment. (I have to tell you how amazing she is when I post the birth story). We came home Tuesday, hopeful that he would improve keeping a very watchful eye on him. Since tuesday, he has made remarkable progress...and he is beautiful.

Despite the extremely rough few days we've had, Toby is recovering well. He is not out of the woods, yet, but he has made drastic improvements in the last 12 hours. We are now giving him antibiotic IM injections 3x/day until the 19th as opposed to the IV catheter injections we were giving the last 4 days. I am not too thrilled with having to cause him such pain daily, but I know it will be a short season making the rest of his life a healthy one. :) Bea has been so encouraging and is teaching me how to care for him during this process of healing.

Tim, Promise and I are coping. I don't know how else to say it. She is struggling. She misses being an only child and having our complete attention...she is currently wearing Toby's bib, tried to put on his clothes, and stole his pacifier walking around the house with it in her mouth refusing to let it out of her sights. She bit me today, too. We have such grace for this, though, because Tim and I are both feeling the same way. :)

We sure love our Tobias Robert James and his sweet disposition constantly melts our hearts.
We are making daily visits to the morning sunlight to help with the jaundice.
My nerve pain in my hips has not subsided since birth, but I am sure God will cover that, too, in His time. We have been well cared for and looked after by the Mercy midwives and friends here. They have sent us prayers, meals and have looked after Promise while Tim and I were in the hospital with Toby. We are very blessed.

We will post more pics soon, most of them are already on facebook, so if you are curious, you can check them out there. But here is one taken just a few hours after birth. :)

Be blessed and thank you for your continued prayers.

Bethany

It's been a mighty long time!

Sorry. Tim was supposed to blog. He says he just doesn't have the inspiration to do it, yet.

Perhaps it is because we have no baby boy, yet.

Or perhaps it is because Tim has been so busy with the water project and feels that the monotony of it all is uninteresting.

Or maybe it's because we are just getting really lazy with blogging.

So, without further ado, I will simply share what Promise and I have been up to while Daddy is working hard and we wait for labor to begin so we can meet our new Stewart. It's boring to most, but it is our daily grind.

Promise, myself, Tim or our new friend, Jin, try to visit the park a couple times a week...it's the first park we have found in 3 years of living here that has a slide and grass! Promise also gets to hang out with Eliana and Justine (pictured). They are kiddos of our friends, Manny and Heather, who work at Mercy. The park is in the complex we have been staying in, so it's just a short walk! YEAH!

And then there's all the Filipina visitors we have since living with others....

Promise does love the attention...

And then there's iPad time with Dr. Seuss while Daddy works (Thanks, Uncle Jeff! You have saved our bacon). Dora always sits beside her.
And snacks in bed with mommy....which always ends up with some form of tickling. We do other things, too....these are just the times we slow down to actually take a picture!
And of course the morning distraction of dancing with Daddy before showering.
And the non-stop chatter just before bed after our Bible story.

So...Promise and I are two peas in a pod...soon to be three. We spend a lot of time reading together....waiting for this baby boy to come out!
Be blessed.

"I will Hold On"...

Greetings! Have you ever heard that Vineyard song, “Hold On”? Tim used to sing it quite a bit and it appeared in my head this morning. Here are the lyrics....

My times are in Your hands
I know I'll never understand
But I'll trust in You
Sometimes my heart grows cold
I m sorry when I take control
How I'm needing You

Even when I fall
You help me stand
Even when I'm lost
You take my hand

I will hold on
I will hold on
I will hold on
Yes, I will trust in You

My life is in Your hands
You hold the key to who I am
And I'll trust in You
Sometimes my heart is stone
I m sorry when I walk alone
How I'm needing You

These last few days have been tiring and hard. I realized about two days ago that my body had not actually withdrew from the effects of the opiates I had been on in the hospital and was prescribed for home use. Stopping them completely left my body in total chaos. Between the LBM, heart palpitations, sweating, nausea and restlessness, I felt like I was either going into labor or needed to be and FAST! I couldn’t sleep and my hip would seize in pain from the muscle tension putting pressure on the nerve, thus I would feel the need to pop another tramadol or dolcet to ease the pain and discomfort.

Although I was down to a quarter of the dose originally prescribed and was nearly totally off the meds, I would hit a wall around 3 or 4 pm with severe withdrawal symptoms not knowing that my body was trying to detox.

Well, after yesterday’s prenatal exam, I had enough. The prenatal with Bea went awesome and the baby is doing fantastic...no side effects for him! :) Praise God. But Bea and I began to talk about how high my pulse was and at one point she said to me, “You okay? You look white!” And I began to feel like I wanting to purge and vomit breaking out into a cold sweat. I finally said, “Bea, I think I am addicted to the opiates!” While that actually isn’t true, I can definitely understand why one would become addicted quite quickly. Detoxing is awful and the only “cure” for the signs and symptoms of withdrawal seemed to be taking an optiate!

Bea and I quickly made some ginger tea for the nausea, I took homeopathic chamomile for the restlessness and irritability, and drank a beer to help sleep and bring down my pulse. Honestly, friends, I am not proud of all this and I wish I had been a part of the decision-making in the hospital when they put me on the myriad of opiates intravenously, but they just didn’t tell us what they were giving me and finally when I left the hospital with a prescription did I find out that what I would be taking is highly addictive and I would need to wean off the meds slowly, as my body was FULL of them upon leaving the hospital. Well, within 3 days outta the hospital, I was trying to get off them completely and here I am...a week later...managing withdrawal symptoms with whatever we can find in the Philippines!

Thankfully, Tim and Bea....and even Promise, have been patient with me as I stumble through this journey. It’s been lonely and each day feels like a battle. However, I have been receiving frequent encouraging e-mails from dear friends and mentors back home that have been reminding me of the strength of Christ in me, the fearlessness of His character in me, and the calling on this precious baby boy’s life. I am struck with awe as I am reminded of His unfailing love for me and the power He has to overcome all things in and outside of me.

I feel vulnerable and my physical body feels more weak than ever and yet, my spirit is very alive and is striving to rise above every circumstance, hurt, disappointment, feeling of rejection, and loss. I long to have those closest to me to share in the journey we are facing now. I long for meaninful “God-talks” with people dearest to me. I long for them to be a part of our baby’s birth, as I feel as though it is such a triumph in our adventure with the Lord. But we are alone.

With a humble and somewhat heavy heart, I look forward to laboring for this baby knowing that God will sustain me and the precious life inside. While we have not announced his name to many, yet, I will say that we picked his name based on its meaning. His name means “God is always good” and he is and will continue to be a constant reminder of that no matter what country the Lord takes us to, how lonely we feel, and when circumstances don’t make sense, God is ALWAYS good.

I apologize for hogging the blog these days. Tim is busy working hard so that he can take some time off when the baby is born, but still be able to feel confident leaving the Philippines in December. He has been slowed a bit by my status and though I feel horrible for this, I am so thankful I have such an amazing husband who desires to serve me in whatever state I am in. I am sure he will post something about water soon.

I wish I could post something about the awesome ministries we are involved in, the people we are tending to, the lives of the poor that are being transformed as a result of our service here, but all I can say is that in the holding place we are in right now, God doesn’t need us. While Tim may be able to tell you stories of how the water filters are blessing the poor and transforming lives and you can find them on www.impactnations.com, I honestly can’t think of a life that I have impacted besides Promise’s in a very long time. Perhaps that is the season of life I am in. I am looking forward to “doing” for the Lord soon....right now I feel like He is holding me in a “being” state....so for now, I will just “Hold on” and watch Him move.

Please be praying for us. We are hoping this baby will arrive sometime next week. Please pray he will come, that the pain will not be overwhelming (neither labor pains or nerve pain), and that he will be born competely healthy without complications. “God is ALWAYS good”.

Be blessed.